I’m a Filipina Dating a “Different” Type of Foreigner. My Story
written by AngelineShare359PinTweet359SHARES
Racism, sexism and homophobia are everywhere, and in sharing our story I am hoping that maybe one of these terrible things can be slightly addressed.
Whenever people ask about my relationship status, I mention that I have a boyfriend. Then his background inevitably comes up. When I mention that he’s a foreigner, I’m greeted with a smiling and a very pleasant “oh really?” This is usually followed by a less than enthusiastic “oh….I see” once I show them a picture of us. You see, yes my boyfriend is a foreigner, but unfortunately, for lots of Filipinos that I’ve met, he’s not the right kind of foreigner. So after receiving the same reaction for what felt like the hundredth time, I decided to share my story.
This is my personal experience and there’s no purpose of hurting or insulting anyone.
Oh I see…..
Ever since I was a child I was told that white is right. This has been reinforced in many ways: the way we weren’t allowed to play in the sun; the adverts shown on TV, and the ever famous whitening cosmetics. Due to all of this, we, like most cultures, have a preconceived notion of beauty. This notion affects how we look at ourselves and how we look at others and ultimately in some cases is a factor in how we choose our partner.
I cannot count the amount of times I’ve seen a Filipina with a foreigner and have other Filipinos remark on how lucky they are. How lucky they are that they have found someone who can improve their circumstances and someone who can ensure that they’ll have “beautiful children” (light skinned). This happens so often that for some people, marrying a foreigner becomes a dream, an ambition an end goal. This is not me saying that you shouldn’t marry a foreigner. I have cousins, relatives and close friends who are married to one and have only great things to say about it. I do believe that love moves in mysterious ways, regardless of race, religion or sexuality.
So what happened?
I met my current boyfriend over 2 years ago. His name is Munnawar and he is a British citizen by birth and is one of the billions of Muslims in this world. We were friends before we started dating. He’s a very sweet, kind, caring and funny individual and most importantly he makes me happy. At first, when we started dating, I was hesitant about it. I often thought about what people would say. Initially when he started attending Filipino gatherings, everybody seemed to like and get along well with him.
This all changed when he went from being a friend to becoming my boyfriend…
The amount of times people ask Munnawar where he is from is beyond annoying. We once had a couple of people ask him where he was from 3 times in the first two minutes of meeting him. Each time he replied with London they smiled and nodded, they then switched to Visayan and asked me “bitaw day, taga asa na siya?” (But really, where is he from?). After a while he elaborated on his parent’s background to satisfy their inquisitive glances and odd remarks. Even after he had mentioned where his parents were born and insisted that he was born and had lived in London nearly all of his life they would still try to catch him out with questions like: “What was it like studying in Pakistan?” To be fair to him, he just smiled and reiterated the fact that he had studied in England and could only guess that studying in Pakistan is fine. This was not an isolated incident and bothers me because even though I see my boyfriend smiling and making jokes, I know deep down he is enjoying himself less and less as he is once again being reminded that he is different.
Check out our favourite travel quotes, did yours make the cut?
An equally large issue that we encounter is that of religion. As you all know religion is a large part of Filipino lives. We are proud Christians and I’m happy with the way I was raised. The bible has taught me kindness, patience and acceptance of others regardless of their background. And it is thanks to this patience that I am able to withstand the repetitious questions I receive. Questions such as: “Is he going to make you wear a burqa?” “Would you seriously consider having a family with this guy?” “Are you okay if he gets 4 wives?” I even had one of my friends suggest, without ever meeting Munnawar, that he may have terrorist tendencies. When I began to refute such ridiculous claims, she ominously declared “one day you’ll see”. I know my boyfriend, and he is one of the most open minded people I’ve ever met. That’s not to say that I think he’s perfect (the amount of wet towels he leaves on the floor is ridiculous) and when most people give him a chance they all come to the same conclusion. Unfortunately there are those who meet him and will never look past what they see and hear on the news or the things that Donald Trump says. FYI, Mr Trump is hardly an authority on terrorism as a few astute readers will recall how he recently accused Filipinos of also being terrorists.
Traveling one country at a time…
I do not blame those who say strange things to me and Munnawar, they are not malicious nor do they have ill intentions, I know it comes from a place of not knowing. Seven years ago when I first arrived in Thailand, I had a lot of the same views as many of my friends and I definitely would not have been dating my current boyfriend if I was that same person. It’s hard for me to admit but I would have seen him as very different and possibly looked down on him. Since that time I have made many friends from all over the world, gotten to learn about many different cultures and have been able to view things from a different perspective, but I still have a long way to go.
Racism, sexism and homophobia are everywhere, and in sharing our story I am hoping that maybe one of these terrible things can be slightly addressed. I feel for my Filipino brothers and sisters who are working overseas and are looked down upon and suffer similar or worse treatment. Only by recognizing the similarities in others can we overcome our differences and accept each other. The future isn’t fixed and we still have a long way to go.W ho knows what will eventually happen to our relationship. I can’t claim for sure that there won’t be problems along the way as usual relationships go. However, I know that by being in this relationship, I have become more open minded, accepting and understanding of the dynamics of how culture and relationships collide.
Munnawar will be going to the Philippines this October for the first time and he is super excited; if you see us travelling around please come and say hi!
UPDATE: Munnawar and I have separated but have continued to be good friends and business partners. The years we’ve been together taught us both great things and I am always thankful for all the memories and moments we have shared. I can definitely say it was not about religion or way of thinking that caused us to go on separate ways but more of what we both want in life. There’s no right or wrong person in terms of skin colour or religious beliefs, what matters is what kind of person they are and how and what you both will contribute to each others lives.
I’m a Filipina Dating a “Different” Type of Foreigner. My Story | Travel Moments
I’m a Filipina Dating a “Different” Type of Foreigner. My Story | Travel Moments
source https://meantforeachotherforever.wordpress.com/2020/12/03/filipinas-pick-your-foreign-boyfriend-for-marriage/
No comments:
Post a Comment